A Jew-Gentile Christian Marriage

By Sarah Burt

Photo by Kym van der Plas

I've long been fascinated by Christians who are in, what I call, 'Jew and Gentile marriages' - especially since I'm in one myself.

Most of us aren't Jews (either ethnically or religiously). I’m assuming most of the people reading this will be Gentiles (non-Jews).

What I mean is the challenges of a Christian marriage where one spouse has grown up in a Christian family and one has not. Some Christians grow up hearing the gospel from their parents, going to church, saying grace at dinner time, knowing the latest Christian pop songs (or all of the old hymns). They've been 'Christianised'. My husband Duncan falls into this category. Like the Jews, they've grown up knowing God's ways.

Then there are Christians, like me, who haven't grown up in a Christian home, have barely gone to church before becoming a Christian, have never heard of the Newsboys or Steven Curtis Chapman, don't really know any old hymns, but somehow heard about Jesus in their teens or adulthood and put their faith in Him. Like the Gentiles, they've grown up knowing very little about Jesus until the gospel spread to them.

Within these marriages, there are many different types of ‘Jew and Gentile experiences’, so I don't wish to squash everyone into two boxes. In our case, Duncan has grown up hearing hymns all the time in church and was kind of over a lot of them (although he does have his favourites). Whereas I hadn't heard many of them and love to download and listen to some. Everything was new and fresh to me in the early years of my faith.

I tend to question a lot of traditions and practices. I find some things are just done because they've always been done that way and they aren't helpful in building up the body of Christ. For example, why do churches need to have flowers at the front. Why do they need rosters for arranging said flowers? Flowers are nice, but this takes away someone’s time and energy from serving in a much more valuable ministry of sharing Jesus. Why are women put on the cleaning and morning tea roster, and not men? I don’t know if this is a country church thing, but Duncan and I always share these jobs together. Men need to learn how to cook and clean as well. Duncan enjoyed being a part of our church in Perth where everything we did, such as communion and prayer, was explained to newcomers. I just took it for granted that all churches did that. Sometimes Duncan finds my questioning of things a bit too much. Other times, he says I challenge and help him in his faith.

Since marrying me, Duncan’s had to get used to having non-Christian in-laws. Whereas I wish I'd had the blessing of Christian parents, and I enjoy being able to talk more openly about Christian things with his family.

Our different upbringings have meant we've had to flesh out differences of opinion on many things (education being one example, although we're on the same page now).  We’ve had to work through how having one set of non-Christian grandparents influence our children (there have definitely been some things shared with them that I don’t agree with). Sometimes it does feel like a clash of cultures, like a Chinese person marrying a Pakistani.  Even though both spouses are Christian, a ‘Jew-Gentile’ marriage does have its challenges.

I’ve heard some Christians say they don’t want their children to marry someone who has a non-Christian upbringing, that they want their children’s future spouse to be ‘pure’. I find this attitude gross and a complete undermining of what God has done for all of us in Jesus. Firstly, it makes unfounded judgements about what sins those who became Christian in adulthood or from non-Christian families have committed. Secondly, it ignores the fact that we are all impure in God’s eyes and need to be washed clean by the saving blood of Jesus, no matter our background or upbringing.

What’s important is that we marry someone who loves and follows Jesus, and who we love. Whether that person is a new Christian or has been following Jesus as long as they remember, are wisdom issues to be worked through.

Personally, I love how our different upbringings lead us to challenge each other and think things through. I see many Christian couples with identical upbringings (i.e. same church/denomination, both homeschooled etc.) doing the same things for their kids, and I'm glad we're not like that. We give each other a fresh perspective, and hope to always have our marriage on the firm foundation of Christ.

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Sarah Burt—Regular Contributor

Sarah grew up in a non-Christian family in Albany, met some Christian friends in high school, then Jesus became her Lord and Saviour while she was at University. She now lives with her husband and two boys, two dogs and a number of chooks on a farm near Tambellup in the Great Southern. She is a school officer by day, and enjoys writing fiction and performing in amateur theatre in her spare time.