Story by Bethany Smith, photography by Kym van der Plas
A Lesson on Legalism
She knew that it was important to read the Bible and pray every day. She’d known this since she was young. After all, you can’t have a relationship with someone you don’t talk to! Nor can you know someone you don’t listen to. So, she worked hard at creating a daily habit which grew into a morning ritual. Up with the birds, coffee in hand, Bible in front. It was quiet, serene even. It was calm, meditative. It was enriching, impactful.
She learned the hard way, however, that although there was great benefit to this discipline, it was dangerous. The feeling of doing something well was encouraging but there was also a feeling of pride and self-satisfaction—as if it meant she was a ‘good’ Christian. The danger was the temptation to believe that God loved her more because she was succeeding at reading her Bible. But if that was true would he love her less if she missed a day? What about a week? Or longer? Best to just keep pushing on. Try not to slip.
She learned that habits were healthy, but the danger of them was losing sight of grace.
A Lesson on Grace
She learned the hard way to rely on God’s grace. After her first child was born her routine took a beating. There was no routine, only opportunity. Through trial and error she found a way, a little system that helped her to stay daily in the Bible and prayer. It was sub-optimal, but it worked. It was the One Year Bible. She could read it in hard copy or on her phone, or she could listen to it read aloud. There was a devotional she utilised to help her think and pray on the days she made the time. With every subsequent child the system was knocked around again and she would recover it. But then eventually the wheels fell off and her system broke. She tried and tried again. But it just didn’t work anymore.
Time in God’s word became sporadic and haphazard. Time in prayer lacked depth and intentionality. Mercifully, she knew in her head that God’s grace was enough, and now she was able to learn it from experience. No amount of time in his word would make God love her more. She didn’t need to worry about what he would think of her, and she didn’t need to impress anyone else. She didn’t have to be in the word and prayer to be a follower of Jesus. She could rest in God’s grace.
Yet days, weeks, months passed by and she wasn’t spending quality time in the word or in prayer. A Bible study here, half a sermon there, a chapter of a Christian book, a few verses of scripture, a kids Bible story… but it was disorganised and always felt rushed and fragmented. She felt herself slipping. Not her convictions, her beliefs, her theology–no, those hadn’t budged. It was her heart. Her love for God was weaker and her reliance on his promises was lessening. Conversely, her desire for the things of this world was stronger. She trusted that God’s grace was enough for her salvation but she was missing out on a close relationship with him.
She was learning the hard way that in God’s grace he had given her his word for a reason.
A Lesson in Relationship
She is learning the hard way that time with God is precious. Every day that she doesn’t meditate on the words of scripture or pour out her concerns to her creator she has missed out on refreshment, instruction, encouragement, comfort and wisdom. Each day, month and year is an opportunity to know more of God, remember his promises, memorise his words. And each day that she doesn’t turn to him is a day that she truly and utterly misses out. Furthermore, it will lead her away from him and into self-reliance, self-interest and selfish behaviour.
She wants the blessed life that is promised in Psalm 119! Those who walk in the law of the Lord, in his commandments, are blessed (1:1)! Not to mention the fact that his word, his gospel of grace, is absolutely delightful (1:14)! To read it and to walk in it is not a burden but a joy.
So, she is remembering that time with God needs to be prioritised. In this season of life the best and only time for it is the first moment that there is an opportunity. Maybe that’s at 9am, maybe 9pm. She’s been reading a simple devotional and rebuilding the reflex of praying in every situation. She’s looking forward to bulking out her personal time with God but she knows from experience to do this slowly or she’ll quash her own enthusiasm. Thankfully she knows she can rely on Jesus to help her by his Spirit; he knows she needs it, after all, he was the one who spoke of his disciples saying that “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26:41).
This woman is learning, and will always be learning, to love God more and to love the relationship she has with him. To honour and make the most of that relationship by treasuring the good gift of his word, like the singer of Psalm 119.
Psalm 119:1-16
א Aleph
1 Blessed are those whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the Lord.
2 Blessed are those who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart—
3 they do no wrong
but follow his ways.
4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.
5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!
6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.
7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.
ב Beth
9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
12 Praise be to you, Lord;
teach me your decrees.
13 With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.
14 I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.
15 I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.
16 I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.
If this story resonated with you, sign up to get honest stories in your inbox for free on Wednesdays from Christian women in Western Australia from March—November 👇🏻
Bethany Smith
WRITER
Bethany grew up on the South Coast of NSW, moved to Sydney for university, and met her husband, Matt, while studying at Moore Theological College. They moved to Perth in 2020 to share the gospel with university students at UWA. They’ve since had four children who she spends her days with, caring for and discipling in the Lord Jesus. Bethany enjoys reading, exercising, baking and attempting to keep her plants alive.