Keeping My Problems in Perspective
By Bethany Smith, photography by Kym VdP
There they were on our front doorstep, just like her text message said they would be. A box of donuts. There were six of them. Krispy Kremes in different flavours—and it was lunchtime. At that moment I thanked the Lord for my mother-in-law, that she loves others through gift giving, and that this particular gift arrived when it did: Husband away for the week, house in a state, kids fighting.
Donuts had never looked so good—not even on our wedding day when they towered high and beautiful to form our cake. That was a masterpiece. But this, well, this was a game changer. The girls calmed right down, the second one heralding Grandma, “her best friend.” It wasn’t just a good snack. It was my sanity back: food to tide us all over until bub was napping and lunch was ready. It was being thought of and loved. It was God’s kind provision in a big week, a big season.
Our family has had an awful year of sickness. Sure, we’ve all had gastro together before—and COVID—but we’ve mostly sailed on happily through family life. But this year it’s been relentless. It began in February as our family of five took turns with gastro, most of us getting it twice. Then it was various viruses. Then our eldest got pneumonia. And then more viruses with post-viral hives suddenly presenting in our two daughters.
Then the baby had conjunctivitis, and he and his sister took turns with week-long vomiting bugs over our two weeks of annual leave. And then my husband and I were hit hard with the flu—despite having flu shots! It's been persistent. It’s been tiring. And it’s been easy to complain and wonder if it will ever let up. So donuts in the midst of all that were pretty sweet. But they got me thinking about something I learned a while back…
Two years ago I was admitted to hospital after experiencing excruciating pain in my abdomen along with other symptoms of appendicitis. At the time we had a 7-month-old daughter who was primarily breastfed. I spent my time in the hospital unsuccessfully trying to pump milk in case I had to have surgery, conscious that she didn’t even know how to take a bottle. Meanwhile my husband brought her (and our toddler) three times a day to the hospital for feeds, including the one at 5am. For these reasons, and various others, it was a highly stressful few days. But, in God’s kindness, the symptoms resolved and I was discharged without treatment. I remember being so very grateful to him that it wasn’t anything serious. And I remember being especially grateful for the important lesson he taught me about the preciousness of normal life with regular problems. The regular problems of daily life might not be easy, but if they are minor and temporary then they are a gift.
The older I get the more clearly I see our fallen world. Tragedy is everywhere: the friend who suddenly lost her father, the child who was diagnosed with cancer, the stories of war and misfortune so devastating that I can hardly process them. I feel so removed from those experiences. My sponsor child’s diet is so very limited and yet I have a pantry full for the taking. That homeless man is sleeping outside in the cold while I climb into my cosy bed. The people in the news have nowhere to go to feel safe—these are simply not my realities.
Why do I get to be fed and warm and safe? What can I do to stop these injustices? I can send money, and offer a helping hand, and be a voice for those in need… but in my feebleness and finitude I cannot fix these problems of humanity. I can pray about them and so I try to do that; and it’s a great relief to know that our Father sees it all and is powerful and wise and good. But often, as I entrust these heavy problems to him, I then move on from them and forget about them. My world shrinks, my focus narrows, and my own daily struggles loom large.
It’s in this state that I find myself complaining and self-pitying over a hard season of sickness, or an overwhelming to-do list. And so I am trying to keep my problems in perspective. Not to minimise the hardship that comes with falling ill, or solo-parenting for a while, or experiencing other pain, setbacks, discouragements and failures. But to keep a certain perspective that acknowledges that while those things are hard, there are people doing it much more tough than me and I actually have a lot to thank God for.
Winter isn’t over yet, we’ll probably get sick again soon, and if we don’t, well, any other number of things could arise. It does suck, and it is tiring and at times frustrating. But I’m hopeful that I can grow in thankfulness for my regular problems. I’m thankful that we don’t have any tragic diagnoses or chronic illness to navigate, nor are we working through a significant tragedy or loss. I’m thankful that the people around me who are going through these things are standing firm in the faith—they are such an encouragement to me! If and when my circumstances change I pray I’ll be like them. And I pray that regardless of circumstances I will hope in the life he has promised rather than seeking comfort in temporal things.
Not all problems can be helped with donuts, but when they can, well I suppose I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.
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Bethany Smith - Regular Contributor
Bethany grew up on the South Coast of NSW, moved to Sydney for university, and met her husband, Matt, while studying at Moore Theological College. They moved to Perth in 2020 to share the gospel with university students at UWA. They’ve since had three children who she spends her days with, caring for and discipling in the Lord Jesus. Bethany enjoys reading, exercising, baking and attempting to keep her plants alive.