The pot plant sits quietly on the kitchen bench. It’s a cactus, chosen because it is more likely to survive my “care”. It looks like an otherworldly observer. It bears witness to the fresh early light, coffee grounds spilling from the aeropress and me humming cheerfully while fighting with rebellious bits of egg shell in the frying pan. But this cactus also witnesses things which I do not want documented; bench clutter, unwashed dishes, the midnight microwave whirr for insomnia popcorn, the bored opening and closing of the fridge, a frustrated tirade and hot tears. But it doesn’t judge. It’s just there, a silent witness.

My iPhone feels more judgy. I think it knows me better than anyone. It witnesses my slide into anxiety or restless boredom, as I search for a distraction. It witnesses how many beautiful moments I’ve experienced and photographed, yet never returned to dwell on with thankfulness. It witnesses who I reply to. It also witnesses who I complain about and delay replying to. Please don’t put it on the witness list!

I started my journey with music at a fairly young age. From six  years old I recall sitting in front of the stereo for hours listening to Celine Dion and Whitney Houston, trying to imitate their melody lines (not bad vocal coaching and ear training!) I made mix tapes on my radio and cassette recorder. Music was my love and passion from very early on. I was drawn to it. It conjured emotions and communicated in a way that was transcendent. It expressed heart sentiments and soul longings that I didn’t know how to express, or even quite what they were. 

But I grew up on a diet of popular music that mostly consisted of love songs, breakup songs, “how will I live without you?” songs. Let’s just say the lyrical (or musical for that matter) depth and breadth of the songs was not particularly vast. And when you listen to commercial radio today, not much has changed. Although these days, it seems there are less straight up love songs, and more “I am bitter/ I really don’t like you/ watch your back” type songs. Songs that express a cynicism or skepticism of love.